Musings

I'm fairly sure about "what I want to be when I grow up", I want to teach at the college level.  I don't know if I'll have enough experience to do so, but it's my goal.  Academia is where I feel comfortable, and where I think I would have the best opportunities to pursue what I love most.

Research and development.

No, not test tubes, bread boards, or equations.  Think books, history, and music.

While forcing myself to finish several costumes I began thinking about why I have so many unfinished projects.  When I decide to research a new period, or even a new costume, it can consume weeks.  Not only researching the particulars of a outfit (underpinnings, trim, fabrics, prints, accessories) but the setting. (culture, social standing, language, important historical events)  I aim to be as historically accurate as possible when planning, then make affordable adjustments.  And that's where things get stuck.  Maybe I'll get half the outfit cut and assembled, maybe the pattern will sit in a box for years.  Part of the problem is my lack of tailoring skills, but honestly it comes down to motivation.  I absolutely love researching and designing, the rest is just fluff.

I see the same trend in my vocal studies.  I love learning new techniques, researching individual pieces, studying theory.  But do I love the craft as much?  Performance is a lot of hard work.  It's something I can do, some people would even say I'm good, but is it a passion?  I've performed for the vast majority of my life, and thus a performance major out of habit.  I love researching opera's (even if most of the plots are ridiculous) and want to  figure out why the art seems to be stuck in the past, and can it be fixed?  And why this seems to be true of most performance music.  There are many other things I want to research, and then...

It comes down to choice, should I change majors?  Should I move to music history or music theory and composition?  Is a double major/minor in performance really what I want?